New site

My new site about working from home and being a parent is online!
Part of it is under construction but I believe it's already worth a visit.
Check it out at http://www.businessanddiapers.com
and let me know what you think, what's missing, what you like or dislike about it...

Life

To-day I went to the museum with a new friend/acqaintance/colleague of mine, her daughter and my son. It was great to leave the deadlines behind and to enjoy a day off, chatting away, enjoying ourselves. She's a remarkable woman.

All too often working from home means being home-bound. Being there mainly means being there for the computer. It's a tough job for my new friend and I to remind ourselves that the well-known saying "nobody says on their deathbed 'I wish I had spent more time at the office'" is also applicable to the home office.
The nice thing about getting older is that I am finding it a lot less difficult than I used to.

"I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me." (Herman Hesse)

I don't know how she does it

Sometimes I wonder how we mums manage. To take care of our kids and our finances. Of our partners and friends. Of the housekeeping and the gardening. How we keep fit and in touch.
Fact is...many of us don't manage. I, for one, am always running behind in several departments. Sometimes business is good, but I don't pay Thomas enough attention. Sometimes I spend a lot of time keeping house, but have no time to socialize, at other times I see a lot of friends, but the house looks like it has been bombed. Reading about other mums who are not quite able to cope helps put things into perspective. That's why I recommend Allison Pearson's book 'I don't know how she does it' to any mum who has her moments of doubt and pain.

Straight from the heart

Why would I tell you about my day yesterday?
How I finally understood what my friend Madeleine has been telling me for years, that tasks such as housekeeping can be enjoyable. Everything worth doing, is worth doing well.
How I finally found someone I can trust with the small tasks that need to be done in this old, almost derelict house of mine I love so well.
How I felt my heart would overflow, many times. When the twins Lara and Julie came by. Two years old. Real sunshine, those kids. Which was welcome, as it was particularly misty.
How lovely it was to introduce them to my mother and stepfather and to see my three year old's nephew's startled reaction when he saw those two...and how sweet Thomas is to them. And how kind their mom is.
How I had an open conversation with my friend Gurli Feilberg (www.feilberg.nl), a remarkable person. A remarkable artist. And last but definitely not least, a remarkable mom.
How the mist hid the church towers from view and spring seemed suddenly so very far away.
How Thomas, in spite of his age (ten), climbed on my lap and whispered '" I've always wanted to ask...what kind of music did you like, you know, way back...when you were young." And how he shuddered slightly when I admitted I liked ABBA in those days (he's into metal).
How I took a long bath in the evening and washed my troubles away (as it had not only been plain sailing, and calls, messages and deadlines had generated quite some stress).
How I stood near Thomas' bed while he was sleeping, and said 'I love you' because I believe this has a positive impact, subconsciously. Because I want him to feel loved.
How the moon was a mere sliver. And how quiet it was, here, in town.
And how the night covered us in its cloak of darkness and peace.

Money matters

There is something about me and money. Earning money is challenging enough, but spending it wisely (and keeping some apart) is even a bigger issue. At lunch to-day, Koen, a friend of mine said: "there are two things that have a huge impact on my temper: lack of sleep and lack of money." I know what it feels like. And though lack of sleep comes with the territory of (single) working motherhood, lack of money is not a necessity. I know other single entrepreneurial moms who manage their money and do not encounter problems in that field, although they don't necessarily earn more than I do.
At the moment I am rereading an interesting book on the subject: 'Your money or your life' by Joe Domingez. Well worth reading. One of the key items in the book is that people tend to see money as separate from their lives, whereas it is a part of life.
The aim is to get to the point where, if someone was to say: 'your money or your life', you answer 'I'll take both, thank you.'

Raising boys

'Raising boys' is the title of a book by Steve Biddulph. Highly recommended!

My son Thomas is at the stage where he is educating me, instead of the other way round.
As he is becoming increasingly independent, I asked him 'How would you feel if I went to the gym for one or two hours in the weekend?', adding 'as you're such a big boy now' (turning the question into a decidedly 'leading question').
Thomas did not hesitate for one second. His reply was clear: 'I wouldn't like it at all, that's not cosy, I don't want it.' When he saw my disappointed face he said: 'well, mom, if you don't want something, you should not ask it.'
Right, I'll try to remember that.

Cabo Polonio

Photograph by M Isarrualde

The last few days I haven't been online.

It was nice to be away from the computer for a few days. Enjoyed a dinner party with girl-friends, a lot of time with Thomas. And a lot of plain laziness.

Got rid of my to-do lists, ignored the chaos on my desk (which has, predictably, piled up again), ignored the dishes as well. Made the most of these sunny days. It's as if spring has started already.

Been daydreaming a lot, about Cabo Polonio for instance, a place that I have never visited. But the pictures I have seen are simply mesmerizing. Have a look at http://www.cabopolonio.com/ if you're interested.

For just plain being, Cabo Polonio seems ideal to me. While I'm saving money for a trip to my dream place, there is nothing to stop me from just being now and then, even amidst the urban jungle. Thomas enjoys it a lot too and has been chatting to me about all sorts of stuff, ranging from basket ball to music, from girls he likes to what he'd like to become when he's an adult.

And now it's time to slowly but surely get ready for the weekly routine again.

Perks & Pitfalls

Like most things, working from home has its perks. And its pitfalls.

Strange but true...the perks can sometimes become pitfalls.



A few examples:



* I relish being able to work in my old clothes. Trouble is...I'm always wearing old and comfy clothes nowadays.

* As a work-at-home parent I am always there for Thomas, also when he is being a nuisance.

* As a work-at-home parent, my schedule is flexible. This means I can help out at school and other places, if required. Trouble is...if I am too flexible, my work doesn't get done.

* With the Internet I am able to work at any time of the day or night. Trouble is...taking time off becomes a challenge, as work is near at hand, only a mouse click away...



Having said that, I still definitely feel the perks outweigh the pitfalls. It's just a matter of making the most of the situation, really.

Pregnant

I'm pregnant. Well, no, I am not, not in the literal sense (more's the pity).
But I feel kind of pregnant, as I am working on a new project. Soon, I'll be launching an English site: www.businessanddiapers.com

My web developer showed me what it could look like to-day and I was very enthusiastic. He's good at his job and created the crisp look I was hoping for.
The site will be mainly aimed at work-at-home moms (or in any event at moms working indepently), but will hopefully appeal to all kinds of moms, as it will deal with issues as raising children and keeping house, and not only with business.

It's a horrific cliché to talk of projects as being your babies, I know, but that's the way it feels. And a blog wouldn't be a real blog without some bold honesty here and there.

Quotation

What I tend to do when I'm too busy is not write about myself, but look up an appropriate quote.
To-day is one of those days...

The quote comes from the book 'Mompreneurs online, using the Internet to build work at home success', by Patricia Cobe and Ellen Parlapiano.

"I'am a mom. I'm also a businesswoman. For the most part, I wear both caps at the same time. I've learned to leap tall buildings in a single bound and cook dinners while the files upload. Like most work-at-home moms, I get to work half days...either the first twelve hours or the last twelve hours! Did I mention I wouldn't have it any other way?"Linda Caroll, mother of three, www.lindacaroll.com

Buddy Holy, count your blessings

As a work-at-home single mum I sometimes tend to dwell on my problems, losing my sense of perspective.
Sometimes a 'reality check' helps. On the news I saw terrifying images of an orphanage in Bulgaria, which made even my son Thomas (who tends to be quite 'tough') cringe. The children were skeletal, it was horrifying. Extremely sad. It definitely made me come to terms with the fact that my house is on the shabby side. I can't offer Thomas a perfect home, but compared to that of those poor children his life is heavenly.

On the third of February 1959, Buddy Holy died in a plane accident, after a concert in Iowa. 23 years old. Yet again, tragic. And yet again a reminder that it might be a good idea to stop complaining, to stop whining about my failures and cherish the things that go well.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.

Shopping with kids is not exactly bliss

To-day I met up with my sister Florine, she had spent a harrowing morning shopping with her youngest son David, 2 years old...and had gone through all the usual moves when children decide they are not enjoying being in a shop: screaming, laying down on the ground, making a racket and the rest.
While we were having coffee Florine told me she had grown absolutely indifferent to reactions from outsiders.
I couldn't help thinking 'gee, I am so glad that period is over', but had to readjust a couple of hours later. I went shopping for groceries with Thomas, but he spilled all the cream I had just bought. As a result we had to return to the shop, leaving a white trail behind us. I was mad. I was tired, wanted to get dinner started and the last thing I felt like doing is queuing up again. I looked angry and stern and saw people looking at Thomas in pity. Wish I could feel as indifferent as my sister when those times hit.
Anyway, after a while anger subsided and I talked to Thomas who, in turn, had decided to be mad. A tiring afternoon, all in all. Thank God it's over.

Balance / To-day's quote

BALANCE
Lately I've started working for a firm of civil law notaries very near my home. I interpret for them when they have French or English-speaking clients who purchase a home in the Netherlands. When the deed of transfer and the mortgage deed are being read out and explained by the civil law notary, the interpreter tanslates the content.
Makes sense, as people would otherwise run the risk of signing something without knowing what they are getting in to.
For me it's a welcome 'diversion' and extra source of income. I do the work during school hours, which is great, as this new situation has no negative impact on Thomas whatsoever. It's nice work, because it's all about people. And, to be frank, I tend to miss people a bit, here in the comfort zone of my study. Moreover, it can be quite touching to be present (and provide a little assistance, no matter how modestly) when people enter into an important agreement, as buying a house is not something you do every day.
TO-DAY'S QUOTE
Whenever the blues hit me, I try to find solace in friendship, nature, a leisurely bath or a positive quote. Perhaps it can help you too.
To-day's quote is a Chinese proverb:
"Reduce big troubles to small ones, and small ones to nothing."
Worth trying, I'd say...